Monday, April 12, 2010

BOOM / I hate cars

Well hello there.

It’s been a minute since I've been here; I hope all is well. What have I been up to?

I’ve been hitting bottom. BOOM is the sound that hitting rock bottom makes.

Now we have been back and forth about my vehicular transgressions; tickets, un-renewed registration, the wrong insurance documents, getting towed etc. Oh wait! That happened on Sunday.

I had every intention of re-registering my car on Monday morning. My last cheque from the magazine was coming to me and once and for all I was going to be done with this car bullshit; Sunday night, the motherfucking night before, I got pulled over.

And god said HA!

Not having up to date registration is a ticketed offense; but because my name is Bianca Osbourne and my organization skills rival that of a preschooler, I had outdated insurance pink sheets, which resulted in an immediate tow.

The ironic thing, aside from driving for 4 months with an expired registration and getting pulled over the day before I was to re-register, was that it was a beautiful day. I had just finished chilling with 2 of my girlfriends and I was feeling optimistic about the week ahead. On my way to dinner at my parent’s house, I decided to take the scenic route in an effort to enjoy these budding days of spring and BOOM; 2 tickets, a towed vehicle and a ruined evening.

So my Monday was spent being driven around by my grandmother going to several banks, picking up checks, standing in line at the registry, standing in line at the court house, being inappropriately patted down at the court house and fighting back tears.

Funny story, the cashier who rang me through was the same bitch judge who made me take my hat off the last time I was at the court house. Times must be tough if they’re making the judges moonlight as cashiers. She’s a bitch anyways, so I hope she hates it.

Another funny story, I get to the court house and, just because it’s a day in the life of moi, there were 2 more tickets on my file that also needed to be paid in order to register my vehicle and free it from the “Police Seizures Lot”.

Great! Awesome! Isn’t it great to be me?

So this week instead of travelling to the California desert and partying with all my friends at one of the best music festivals in North America, I am staying home.

Coachella for all; No’Chella for me.

I did the math and in total including tickets, tow fee, registration et all; I have paid $1072 dollars in fines and fees.



I hate cars.

Disclaimer: So that my mother doesn’t comment about my having it relatively good. I am aware that my situation is ALL MY FAULT; but the anger is still fresh and I need a scapegoat.

A car is like a mechanical dog; it needs to be fed-gas. It needs tags- insurance and registration. And if that bitch is caught without a leash, the fines come raining down like hot fire- tickets.

It’s like when parents ask children “do you think you can handle a dog? It needs to be walked, fed and loved”; and every kid says enthusiastically “oh yes, I promise I will take care of everything!”; and the dogs bowl sits consistently empty and it shits inside because it hasn’t been walked since the night before.

I am that kid. And I don’t want this dog anymore; it is shitting on my life.

My dog doesn’t bite other people, it bites me and now I am bleeding like no man's business.


BOOM goes the girl that hates her dog.


  1. When you hit bottom they is only one direction to go...UP!! Love ya..Mom