Thursday, January 28, 2010


Yesterday I went to court, for what I STILL have no idea.

The day started out relatively well, I found a great parking spot, at meter and as I looked around at all the other cars I noticed they didn’t seem to put any money in their meters; so neither did I.

I got to the court house and went through security as instructed. I beeped when I walked through the security thing (I don’t even know what they are called); and the very butch lesbian security guard took what seemed forever to frisk me and in my opinion she was getting a little too friendly around my woman parts. I wanted to look at her and say “look lady there isn’t anything in my vagina for you, so move the fuck on”, I refrained because she looked like she would have enjoyed taking me down.

I found the court room, went in, and as expected it was an Edmonton style courtroom; so much for my “Law and Order” fantasies. The judge calls all the new people to the front of the room to check in. She looks at me and says into the microphone that I need to remove my hat. I am completely fine with her telling me to remove my hat, but the microphone was unnecessary as this room was the size of a bachelor apartment. So I apologize to her with every intention of removing my hat and the lawyer starts talking to me so I start listening to him; and, she says AGAIN even louder in the fucking microphone to remove my hat. Like lady don’t fucking get on my case because you were born with that face. I know life must be rough when you have no idea how to apply makeup and your hair is the color of dirty dishwater, but hold the fuck on, someone is talking to me.

I knew I should have brushed my hair yesterday morning. As I was putting on my hat, I thought maybe I should brush it quickly, but I left it out of laziness; and I seriously regretted it. My hair was fucking busted, nasty, hasn’t been combed since Tuesday gross; and of course there was a tasty looking man in the room; but in all reality he was probably a criminal so I wasn’t too torn up.

So now I am standing in the front of the room, looking like a comb has never touched my hair; and, the lawyers inform me that this case has been postponed. They thought they called me, but it turns out they each thought the other had informed me of this detail; stupid fucks. So I rolled out of bed, at an hour that I am not really comfortable with, risked getting yet another ticket, almost committed a felony by beating shit out of a too friendly security guard and a bitch judge; only to have to come back again. STUPID FUCKS. They tell me that I have a choice, I can wait while they get through the other cases and then set a new trial date or they can call me with the new date. I said call, but to make sure that they actually DO call this time; I also said that I am unavailable for the month of April as that is Coachella season. I put on my hat, lingered long enough just to get the judges attention, put on my best strut and walked out. FUCK YOU BITCH the microphone was unnecessary.

Looks like you will all have to wait to get the full story and I will have to wait to see WHY THE HELL I HAVE TO KEEP GOING TO COURT?

No comments:

Post a Comment