Thursday, January 21, 2010

Vent

Disclaimer…this is a venting post, so Mother, if you are reading, STOP, this IS NOT for you. This is a vent, and you are implicated. I will not be held responsible for your feelings after reading this…I love you, I am just frustrated…




Today I am thinking I DO NOT WANT TO LIVE AT HOME. Obviously I have to, as I am incapable of supporting myself at this point. And, as much as I love my mother and am eternally grateful to her for graciously allowing me to live here; this shit sucks. I am a 24, almost 25, year old woman and I am roommates with my mother, FUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK. Her choices (which changed everything, the whole course of my year 2009) and my poor choices (the result of her choices) made this situation come about; but, FUCK this sucks.

Last night I was forced to come home at 11 pm (earlier than I had planned) because my mother had to come down and let me in the building. See I lost my FOB (device that lets one into the building) and now she has to let me in EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME I come home; like, my lifestyle is NOT conducive to that. I have been known to stay out for a full 48 hours or stroll in at 6am. I know that I lost the FOB but I am still fucking pissed about this situation and maintain that I reserve that right. And the attitude I faced when I came home early (her mind thinks it’s late) makes this even more unbearable. I am at a loss. I CANNOT do this for another 3 months, I will lose my mind and my shit on her; and, judging by past experiences, it is not pretty.

I was on a roll this week, things were going great, I was feeling great, and then all this “get into the building” business, was sprung on me. I think I might live in my car; at least my car doesn’t have an unwritten curfew. I realize this is obviously a trivial grievance re HAITI, people dying in the street etc.; but it is my life and I have every right to be ruffled.

I have said this before and it has been a while since I have openly uttered it since; but, FML. I want to scream it from the rooftops FuckMyLife, FuckMyLife, FUCKMYLIFE.

This weekend should be very interesting.

note: I realize that my mother is likely frustrated with this situation too...but this is my blog...

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