Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Court Day

Yesterdays post was funny, witty and well written (if I may say so myself). But, how the hell do I follow that? I could write about my other favorite word, CUNT, but that word isn’t quite as well received as Fuck; and, although I love to court controversy, I think CUNT might be a little too far for the squeamish readers. Talk of CUNTS and all their many functions (I am talking about vaginas and assholes) could get really dirty and I think it may be too soon in my writing career to go there. So what the hell do I write about today? Yesterday was rather uneventful, today is surely to be interesting as I am finally going to court, for what? I have no idea. I could have called the city to find out, but I like surprises.

All I know about today is that I have to go downtown and pay an astronomical amount to park, so that I can play witness to someone or something. What does someone wear to court? I want to look official but I have no idea what my role is. Will I be in a “Law and Order” styles court room or a real Edmonton styles set up. I hope it’s the former, then I can get lost in fantasy while I sit there and act like I give a shit; which I don’t. Just for fun I should yell out "OBJECTION" and blame it on my imaginary tourettes.

I am all for the “justice for all mankind” business, but only if it doesn’t interfere with my life and the goings on of my daily existence. I know that if I was on the other end, I would be grateful for anyone who could contribute to my cause but I wasn’t asked so I can be as salty about the situation as I want. Because even if I didn’t want to show, I have to; they come hunting for you if you don’t and I’m trying to keep a low profile as I have yet to pay those tickets. Next week, I promise.

I am dreading this whole ordeal, I have so many questions. Do I have to put my hand on a bible to swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth? **On a side note, I think it’s funny that they whip out the bible and expect people to tell the truth. I grew up religious and blah blah blah, but the bible is just a book. For someone who is already a liar, they might as well be sworn in on a Dr.Seuss book.** A question I have for them is do you really want me there? I can barely remember what happened last week, forget about last august. But alas the law is forcing me to go and play law abiding citizen for the day.

It wouldn’t be half bad, if I could show up at 1 in the afternoon or something; but, NO. 9:30 am is the call time, it’s as if they don’t know what time” the View” is on. Idiots.

I had better get ready, pack my snacks and get my ass to the court house….this could be a very long day.

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