Thursday, October 29, 2009

Realness

I am finally getting real. I say it all the time "be real" or " get real" even "really?!"; but I haven't been real with myself for quite some time. I am an adult now (yikes) and a real part of adulthood is straight talk. For years, I have buried my head in the sand regarding lots of things; my selfishness for one, which I used to blame on the fact that I was an only child, but I am getting way to old for that to have any merit and I am sure people are growing weary of it; my stubborness for two, I can be unbelievably rigid and I hate it when other people are rigid yet that's one of my predominant traits; and, my ability to put things off until the very last minute is the stuff of legend, I am a pro procrastinator, I have (had) myself convinced that I perform better in the crunch, but that's bullshit, the proof is the results and I happen to be very low on results; and, lastly, my realness. You see I have this very tough persona, I am always the brazen one, the one to deliver the hard truth; but, truthfully, I need to turn that mirror on myself. It is no secret that I am broke, I am fairly certain anyone who knows me knows that; but I haven't really done anything to change it or even make it better, I have just been talking about how I am going to make it better. Well the dawning of a new day is upon us, for I am getting real, really real, as real as it gets. I have had the week off and have been spending that time watching alot of "til debt do us part" and taking notes. I started keeping a money journal, every cent in and out is to be recorded no exceptions; and, I am keeping all my receipts, just in case I happen to forget to write something in. It's funny how it's taken my being near destitution for me to change my ways, I blame my former immaturity. It is day 2 of the new money rule change and I feel like an addict craving my next hit, I really really want to spend money but I don't want to write it down, it looks bad. They say the first step is admitting that I have a problem so...my name is Bianca and I love spending money, and I need help.
And that's about as real as it gets.

2 comments:

  1. HAHAHAHA, So good. Just as an aside, when faced with my ruthless procastination tactics back in my ugrad days, I used to ALWAYS fall back on the saying, "I do it on purpose, I do it for the challenge"... LOL ya right, acting like some fckn hero, but really, I'm just pulling myself thinner than palacinka!~

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  2. i live for the last minute, or that's what it would seem. I could teach a class in the art of procrastination

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