Friday, March 12, 2010

The Plague

When most people think of the plague, bubonic comes to mind. When I think of the Plague, I think tickets.

Superman had Kryptonite, I have tickets.

I did my taxes and to my great surprise the government thinks they owe me money and I thought, before they wise up and take this money away, I better pay those fucking tickets.

I had plans to go to the registry to pay the piper and renew my registration; and then to the carwash to celebrate my liberation from the shackles of tickets.

Turns out, I owe more than I thought...way more. I didn’t want to let them see me sweat, so I kept my cool; but if I was being real, my jaw would have been on the floor. I knew I was in for a “treat”, when I saw the look on the customer service agent’s face; the look was a mix of pity and utter bewilderment. I lied and told her I was out the country for months, in an attempt to explain the astronomical amount of ticket fines and their late charges.

So although I received a nice honorarium from the Canada Revenue Agency, the government of Alberta has taken their share and nothing remains. I hope you all are enjoying Edmonton’s economic growth; because I am singlehandedly paying for it.

However, since I am approaching life with optimism in mind, I have found a lesson in this stupid mess…organization is king.

If I would have been slightly more organized, I would not have misplaced 4 tickets; yes, you read right, 4 GOD DAMNED TICKETS! I would have had them filed nicely in a folder with labels or better yet I would have paid them on time.

Having to dodge the cops for 3 ½ months is no easy feat; key word here is exit strategy. If I see those bitches pull up behind me, I get the fuck out of there. I have been spending lots of time in the right hand lane; which wouldn’t be too bad, if the elderly would HURRY THE FUCK UP. It must be nice to be retired and have the ability to take your sweet fucking time getting where you need to be; but I’m not, so move it or lose it grandma. I have been pushed to the point where I have actually yelled that in the direction of a cotton top driving a Cadillac Deville; the quintessential old people car. I’m not trying to rude, really I’m not; but you all know where I’m coming from.

In any case, my days of being plagued by stupid government issued pieces of paper are over.

Good fucking riddance.


  1. Kinda makes me glad I dont have my license!

  2. Be glad...very glad; you should also be glad you don't live in Edmonton, where there is NO parking.

  3. I would even spring for a organizer for you.

    Love Mom



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