It has only been March for a week, and through this beautiful madness, I have been finding my sanity. I have been going on walks, lots of walks; and being sans IPod or anything from the “future”, I have had some time to think.
The short version of what materialized is this:
I am awakened...FUCKING awakened.
Blame the sun I suppose, but I feel like I can see clearly now.
What I see is what I want to do and who I want to be. All this life admin I have been preoccupied with is starting to show some results. So who do I want to be? What do I want to do? Well, obviously, I want to write; I'm also becoming slightly enamoured with media, of the social kind; which is ironic considering I still use a PC and I don’t own a fucking IPod. I was using a Discman for a while, but I felt like I was in the cast of "The Whackness", so I chose to enjoy the quiet instead.
Anyways, during this “quiet” I let the voices reign supreme and they had some very valuable input. Funny, I was ignoring them for so long and all along, they had some good shit to say. Voices in cold weather are just fucking annoying, on a warm weather walk they make for great company. We spoke for the better part of last week, which to the people on Edmonton streets, it would appears as though I need to be committed; but Martin, Janet and I (yes, they have names now) have come to an agreement, I’ll listen and they will stop talking shit about me when I can hear.
Truth be told Janet is a bit of bitch, she likes to make snide comments about money and men; initially we were battling, I yelled at her at the top of my lungs; but she had it coming. I had to apologize to the woman standing next to me, willing the light to change; she thought I was talking to her; I assured her I was talking to the voices in my head; which only made her more frightened. In any case, the voices and I are homeys now.
After all this chat, the 3 of us agreed to embark on a HUGE project, that I am so fucking excited about I could spit on a 6 year old (I wouldn’t, of course, but I cannot be held responsible for my actions at this level of excitement). So in light of my sometimes wishy-washy nature pertaining to life pursuits re: 28 jobs, I'm going to keep mum on the whole shebang until the ball is rolling and has picked up some speed.
Last week I was aiming low; now I'm shooting for the moon.
What the hell is happening to me?