Monday, March 8, 2010

Spring Awakening

It's March Madness in Edmonton; the weather is topping the charts at 10degrees. Which is straight up madness at this time of year. The gods must be crazy or something wicked this way comes, either way the warm weather is melting the chill in this city and I feel alive again.

It has only been March for a week, and through this beautiful madness, I have been finding my sanity. I have been going on walks, lots of walks; and being sans IPod or anything from the “future”, I have had some time to think.

The short version of what materialized is this:

I am awakened...FUCKING awakened.

Blame the sun I suppose, but I feel like I can see clearly now.

What I see is what I want to do and who I want to be. All this life admin I have been preoccupied with is starting to show some results. So who do I want to be? What do I want to do? Well, obviously, I want to write; I'm also becoming slightly enamoured with media, of the social kind; which is ironic considering I still use a PC and I don’t own a fucking IPod. I was using a Discman for a while, but I felt like I was in the cast of "The Whackness", so I chose to enjoy the quiet instead.

Anyways, during this “quiet” I let the voices reign supreme and they had some very valuable input. Funny, I was ignoring them for so long and all along, they had some good shit to say. Voices in cold weather are just fucking annoying, on a warm weather walk they make for great company. We spoke for the better part of last week, which to the people on Edmonton streets, it would appears as though I need to be committed; but Martin, Janet and I (yes, they have names now) have come to an agreement, I’ll listen and they will stop talking shit about me when I can hear.

Truth be told Janet is a bit of bitch, she likes to make snide comments about money and men; initially we were battling, I yelled at her at the top of my lungs; but she had it coming. I had to apologize to the woman standing next to me, willing the light to change; she thought I was talking to her; I assured her I was talking to the voices in my head; which only made her more frightened. In any case, the voices and I are homeys now.

After all this chat, the 3 of us agreed to embark on a HUGE project, that I am so fucking excited about I could spit on a 6 year old (I wouldn’t, of course, but I cannot be held responsible for my actions at this level of excitement). So in light of my sometimes wishy-washy nature pertaining to life pursuits re: 28 jobs, I'm going to keep mum on the whole shebang until the ball is rolling and has picked up some speed.

Last week I was aiming low; now I'm shooting for the moon.

What the hell is happening to me?