Monday, March 1, 2010

Getting with the Program

As promised I am getting my life together; and although I can be all talk, you are now free to call me Action Jackson.

I started a program of Orderly Payment of Debt aka get off my back bitches; you’re going to get your cash. It’s like I have found my very own Gail Vaz Oxlade and I am on an episode of “Til Debt Do Us Part” except I’m not married, and this won’t end with my holding a cheque for $5000. But I do get to halt the financial fisting that has overtaken my life.

I’ll take it; I’m a dick girl, fisting has never been my thing.

In the meeting I expected my “Gail” to look at my history, burst out into a guttural laugh and then proceed to invite her co-workers to continue the guffaw. Instead she was really nice and not in the slightest bit surprised at the diarrhea stain I call my financial standing. After 30 minutes and pit stains like something fierce, we agreed that I need to “get with the program” NOW.

Wednesday I sign the agreement and sign my frivolous, head in the sand lifestyle away.

Even though I am about to be Edmonton bound for the next year, at least, I feel freedom on the horizon. I see a future of not having to screen my calls or burn someone at the stake for answering a 1-866 number; those fucking bill collectors change their phone numbers as much as drug dealers.

So to the dear folks at Bell, Visa, Rogers and TELUS, I will now gladly pick up your phone calls and the verbal assaults will now cease; which, by the way, I am terribly sorry about, she caught me on a bad day.

***Suze Orman would be so proud.

4 comments:

  1. Suze Orman's my hero!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love all power lesbians and Suze fits the bill! She also has gives great advice.

    ReplyDelete
  3. You just inspired me to pay my credit card bill!

    ReplyDelete
  4. If I save one person from the hell that is COLLECTIONS, I have done my job!

    ReplyDelete

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