65

I am exhausted; more exhausted than usual. I am used to the typical Saturday and Sunday hangover lethargy; but Monday, was ridiculous.

I woke up at my usual 8 am and brewed myself the first green tea of the day; but after struggling to keep my eyes open during “The View”, I had no choice but to go back to bed for another 40 minutes. After what felt like a 2 minute nap, I managed to drag my sorry ass out of bed, for the second time and write a passable post. I then downed ANOTHER green tea and readied myself for a noon spin class, that I would have skipped entirely, if I hadn’t eaten 3000 extra calories at Sundays Super Bowl indulgence. Of the 50 minute class I managed to last 35 minutes, 1 minute longer and I would have passed out; I was the annoying loud breather in the back of the class that everyone wishes would just give up and leave. After several annoying glances from the riders around me, I could tell my welcome was worn out; so I took my ass to steam room, where I fell asleep for I don’t even know how long. I personally hate being that person snoring anywhere, but naked and sprawled in my gyms steam room is what I would call next level.

Not only did the class exhaust me, it also left me with a splitting headache, which was made worse by falling asleep in a sweltering steam room. Immediately after I returned home I went back to bed, AGAIN; if I was getting laid, by this point I would surely have thought that I was pregnant; pregnant women take 2 naps in a day, not 24 year olds. I simply couldn’t move; and since I’ve given up coffee there was nothing to do but go back to bed. I hoped that my second nap of the day would finally allow me to get my shit together; it didn’t. So I made myself my 3rd green tea of the day and got ready to start my new job; I didn’t even have the energy to be nervous, I was just too fucking tired. And although my new job is super easy, it essentially consists of me bullshitting/motivating women for 3 hours and thirty minutes; on any other day I would have been on my A game, but yesterday was more than forced. I had to pretend that I gave a shit, and normally I can bullshit with the best of them, but in the state I was in I was hardly in the mood. Introductions can be difficult; but I forgot how hard it is to be impossibly charming when coming off a weekend bender. I was pretending to guzzle water just to be able to excuse myself and sit on the toilet; at the rate I was “peeing” they probably thought “poor new girl with diabetes.”

It has been a very long time since I felt like a 65 year old in need of dialysis but the combination of 2 nights of boozing and the carbohydrate load of a Super Bowl champion aged me 4 decades. I haven’t been living the life of “health” for very long, but this weekend I didn’t just fall of the wagon, it fell on me and then I had to be taken to the hospital to have my punctured spleen removed.

I was really hoping that today I would wake up and be “normal” again; but I am still so exhausted; everything is depleted. My skin is dry, my head still hurts AND I am having a very hard time coming up with what I would deem great writing material.

So I am going back to bed.