Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Reconciliation

Sometimes reconciliation is a silent affair; devoid of the pageantry and the ceremony of “the apology”. That is the case here. I wanted the ceremonious apology for myself with all its sacrifice and grandeur and I was willing to hold out for it; I am legend at holding out for it. I like to pretend that I am some sort of toughie, able to hold a grudge for as long as need be; but alas I am not, I’m just a girl who wants, rather NEEDS her friend back. I longed for the status quo of what our friendship meant to me; text messages filled with useless shit talk NOT silence. I have no idea what so many things mean, in regards to life (oh to be 24); but I DO know how high I value my friendships.

I have always been rather adept at the art of fighting; I can hold off on the apology for days, months even, forcing my “adversary” to back down and admit defeat. In battle concession is not an option, but as I get older I realize how foolish it is to not speak to someone based on a petty disagreement. I suppose it is my age showing. I wish I had some sort of humorous quip wrought with profanity to reinforce my point but I don’t, it’s too early to be witty. All I have today is the lesson that a grudge against a friend is useless and life is way too fucking short. All these big lessons; WOW, I must be a big girl.

I have very little to say today, last night was spent catching up and quietly reconciling; a night of old friends reconnecting, and forgiveness taking its course. As sappy as that is, and so unlike me, it is my reality today. I promise to be funny again tomorrow...

Fuck I really am getting old.

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