Sticky

I am still going to spinning and loving it; for the most part.


All last week, every instructor that I had, had something going for them, if they had a slightly gnawing personality, they at least had some banging music; or if the music was somewhat lacking, they were super nice and inspiring. I was on an instructor roll; that is until Tuesday. I meant to recount this story, Wednesday but some bad shit happened, that merited some respect; so I kept it to myself. But lightning never strikes twice and when it does the story must be told.


On Tuesday I strayed out of my normal radius and went to a spin class in north Edmonton, with Christopher and Suzy. It started well, we went in, adjusted our bikes and the older, Billy Blanks-esque, instructor walked in. He seemed like he would be somewhat intense, but nothing I couldn’t personally handle. Well, I don’t think they have a name for the intensity level of this man.


Where do I begin; he had the worst music I have ever heard, and that is saying a lot. I am rather lenient when it comes to music in aerobic classes, I understand that it needs be a certain level of intensity in order to get people moving; but, his was a mix of terrible techno, the kind you would hear in a warehouse on the outskirts of Toronto, pure rave, but not the fun kind, the kind that induces seizures; and, that horrid techno was mixed with this heavy rock-like dance, I wouldn't even know how to describe it, except as bad.


Now I would let the music slide, if he had some sort of redeeming personality trait I could discern, he didn’t. He hoots along to the music, barking, howling, whistling; at several points, on the beat, he would yell “tick, tock, tick, tock, SPINNNNN”. And he would refer to the resistance on the bike as “stick”, which is fine. But he would say “sticky” over and over and over again; “ride, stickyyyyy, ride”. When a man is dripping sweat, breathing heaving, and saying “sticky” then preceeds to lick the dripping sweat from his lip, I can only think of one thing. I couldn’t focus, not because I am in any way attracted to him, but I couldn’t help picturing him, mounting some woman, and just giving it to her saying “take it bitch, it’s stickyyy”; which IS more than I can handle.


And as if the music and the fucking connotations weren’t enough, he calls people out. My friend Chris was having multiple leg cramps, so I was leaning over, quietly advising him that maybe he should go walk on the treadmill and just cool it, I must have missed the instructors instruction to turn up the resistance, at which point he yells, not an inside yell, but outside yells at me “HEY, I’M WATCHING YOU!” Now I am not the type of student who responds well to that sort of drill sergeant leadership, I prefer to be inspired rather than frightened into peddling. This membership costs me $44.00 a month; I will peddle as fast or as slow as I want for fuck sakes.


After this dreadful class, I vow to never take a spin class with this man again, I really don’t want anything to get in the way of my new found love of exercise. But, lo and behold, yesterday I walk into the class and who is there but Mean Billy Blanks. I actually said out loud “FUCK”; but, I was there, so I had to take the damn class. This time he was a little better, he only said sticky once, there was a song that I could tolerate and I had a spot dead in the back, where he couldn’t see me; not bad at all. Except he has some sort of fan club, because there was heckler, oh yes a heckler. This woman, who would continually “hoot”, “oh yeah” and call the instructor out. She kept calling him a chicken for what reason, I have no idea. I thought that Mean Billy was too much to handle, but this bitch was riding my last nerve by the end. I mean, this isn’t a comedy club, this is an exercise class, heckle somewhere else. And as if she couldn’t be any more undesirable, she brought her phone to the class and answers a call during it. Granted she stepped out to take it, but come on, it's an hour, we can all detach for one hour.



I am hoping this is last run in I have with this man and his fan.


Other than that, I love my spin!